Do as Thou Wilt Shall be the Whole of the Law

I've got a problem.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. On a quest of searching for spirituality, I've becoming even more increasingly frustrated at the inherent hypocracies in religion and life itself.

Every religion in the world proclaims the notion that there is something larger than yourself, and that's a philosophy that's readily agreeable, because no matter who you are, what you do, or how much you do it, you are never the most powerful force in the universe. You are only a part, miniscule to the greater scheme of things, and ultimate only important to yourself.

Every religion has an extra addendum though. There is a right course of action, there is only one right way to live, and if you do not live by that, you are wrong and shall be ultimately punished. If you don't sacrifice to the Gods, your crops will die, the rains won't come. If you don't believe in Christ, no matter how much good you do, you shall still be condemned.

Every time I hear this philosophy, I'm thrust into inner turmoil, because no matter how logically it's placed, there's a problem with it. That problem seems to be that if there's only one way of doing things, then there's little point in having the ability to do anything else.

Me and We. That's what a pastor at a church I went to was upset about. People are encouraged to live selfishly, materialistically, and turn away from more fundamental aspects of early Christian thought, which is that we are all together, we should support each other and strive to build a community amongst ourselves.

This is a black and white argument that is inherently on the right course, but it makes a point of saying that living for yourself is inherently wrong. The problem is, the only person that anybody can and should 100% agree with is yourself. Live for yourself.

Aleister Crowley lived by the mantra "Do as Thou Wilt", an almost anarchistic statement that emphasizes complete freedom of the individual, and it's easy to misconstrue that statement as petty selfishness, but doing as "we wilt" is not the same thing as being selfish.

A person feels guilt. Guilt is a natural byproduct of life, our minds telling us that what we are doing or have done is, in some way, wrong. But people don't feel guilty about the same things. A person living as he or she wilt isn't neccessarily going to go about being a total dick to everyone--they're going to pursue what makes them happy. Crowley's mantra is taken from a slightly longer Buddhist philosophy, which states "Do as Thou Wilt and do no harm."

Do as thou wilt and do no harm. At first, it seems to be contradictory, but it really isn't. Living true to yourself means that you do what makes you feel good, what makes you feel right, and your feelings, your mind, your perspective, they're all you've got. Everything else is less than that, cheap constructs to distract you from your mind and your own personal journey. A person who does as they wilt and does no harm is living a perfectly acceptable life, and I'll tell you why.

If a man spends all his life praying to God, lowering himself to the level of "God's Servant" and begging forgiveness isn't neccessarily wrong, if doing so makes him happy. If spending time with your friends just goofing off and enjoying each other's company makes you happier than spending an hour at church--or, if church makes you feel more full and fullfilled than being with your friends, then do it. Do what makes you happy, what makes you feel good, and do no harm. Your life is dictated by you and you alone, and no matter how they present it, how they argue it, ultimately there is no religion that actually knows what's really true or not.

The only absolute and ultimate truth is right there, in your head and your heart, and its your conciensce. It dictates what you believe to be wrong, what you believe to be right, what you want to do, what you ought to do. You are your own god, of your own world, and the only thing larger than that is pure speculation, because while the universe and the world are indeed larger than you, they are not you, they are not the determining factors in your own life. And, if you are doing as you wilt and you are concerned that you may be doing wrong, the second part kicks in "and do no harm." If you are harming somebody, anybody, anything anywhere and you cannot fully justify that harm to yourself, then that harm is wrong.

I've been looking for God for 18 years, and every time I try to go out and find it, I'm struck with a brickwall notion that no matter what I or anybody does, I am ultimately wrong. I cannot swallow this, because ultimately, in all our lives, what we do, how we do it--those are the things that shape our lives, and it is by our actions that our realities are determined. Do as thou wilt, because you know--you all inherently know--what it is that you must do, what you ought to do, and if you live your life in accordance to yourself, living true to yourself, you are not wrong at all--you are doing the only logical thing that can ever be right, because it's YOUR idea and nobody elses.

Living your whole life by somebody else's standards isn't right. Letting somebody else dictate what you can and cannot do is not right--it's not exactly wrong, because there are times when good advice can be a very handy thing indeed, but ultimately, it is YOUR choice. Your idea, your decision, and your life.

Live for yourself, because your personal happiness, your personal satisfaction is the only true thing in your world, the only bit of spirituality that you can grasp, that you can feel. Living for yourself is actually not easy, because living true to yourself is going to ultimately bring you sadness, grief, strife and the like. But, unfortunately, life is like that, and you're going to end up being miserable either way. You're not going to get divine intervention, you can't ever fully depend on another person 100% of the time, and when you pray, you are thinking to yourself pleas for help. The answers to these pleas you may see, some time later in something you witness while crossing the street, and that's not neccessarily because God is showing you them, but because you are seeing them.

Living for yourself is not living selfishly, because there is a difference. Every single person has an individual journey that they undertake over the course of their lives, and that journey--the experiences we find on that journey, the decisions we make, the actions we take--they determine our true selves. Finding God and seeking Enlightenment are the exact same things, different methods but all leading to the same answer.

Do as Thou Wilt and Do No Harm.

Don't listen to your televisions. Don't try and become the unattainable dreams that culture shoves down your throats. Don't let the fear of death drive you away from your dreams. Nobody can make your decisions for you. You always have a choice, no matter how dire the situation may seem, and no matter what, no matter what anyone else says, you are the ultimate decider of right and wrong in your life.

If there is a god, then there is a judgement. If there is no god, then there is no judgement, save for yourself, save for your own sense of right and wrong, and your own sense of happiness. Do what makes you feel good. Help a man across the street, pray if it makes you happier--there are no wrong decisions save one, and that is if you decide to do harm unto somebody else. Your life is your own, and their lives are their own, and it is the most profoundly sacred thing in the entire world--the human being's capacity of choice.

Don't live life as a drone. If you find you have to constantly apologize, that you are in constant sadness and guilt, reevaluate your life. Seek out what makes you unhappy and stop it. The source of every man's suffering is born from their actions, and every single person makes mistakes, some mistakes they may not even notice.

Prayer and meditation are extremely potent things. If you find yourself suffering, or you find yourself constantly concerned that you are doing the wrong thing, stop for a moment. Don't make excuses--there is a bottom line, there is a nagging doubt, and the time will come when you will sit and stare upon what you have done, and even as you try to justify it, that doubt remains. Embrace that doubt, don't delude yourself, don't take the easier path. The high road is the road that you have determined for yourself, and as difficult as it is, that is the only road there can ever be to salvation.

Do as thou wilt and do no harm.

It shall be the whole of the law, and it is the only law that truly matters.

Think about it.

Of Pigeons

As you are likely aware from the sweltering heat (unless you live in some remote research base in Antarctica) summer is finally upon us, in all of it's brutal, energy-draining, laziness inducing glory.

As such, my dorm chose it wise to kick all of its occupants out for no readily decent reason, and rather than living on the street, I've taken up residence in a rather nice little apartment complex run by my school (and paid for, like most of the things in my life, by the charity of my parents.)

It's a rather nice apartment--made for four people, I'm the only person currently living here, which makes it perfectly grand as I have limitless space to recklessly throw all my crap, and I even have a miniature kitchen where I can attempt to cook things and become frustrated at my lack of ingredients, forcing me to eat at Wendy's in shame.

I also have a balcony, which brings us to the subject of today's post--Pigeons. Specifically, two pigeons, a male and (presumably) a female, who have taken residence upon my balcony for reasons as of yet unclear. They built a nest under two plastic chairs that were lovingly placed out there for me to sit on, but I am unable to do so because they've shat all over them. Making the best of the situation, I've embraced my pigeon brethren, and have thus named them Jim and Juliet.

They live in general fear of me, as I am five times their height and far superior to them in every possible way, but in the name of good fellowship, I've taken to trying to strike an alliance with the pigeons, in hope of one day facilitating an army of feathered creatures to divebomb my enemies and strike fear into the hearts of all those who oppose me.

The alliance has been sealed with Ritz Crackers, of which I have a nigh-limitless supply, and are easily broken into crumbs and scattered about my balcony, where the pigeons may feast upon them with glee. Jim is the one I see--a big, fat pigeon who is slightly silver in color and has some weird gray thing on the bridge of his beak that looks like somebody choked up a piece of gum, left it in the sun for a few weeks, then glued it to him. The female pigeon is slightly thinner, more greenish and black, with a longer neck and is a lot shyer than Jim is--though both have a healthy fear of me, as they should because, as you all should know, I am TERRIFYING.

The fact that they have a nest under my chairs actually has made me pause and consider pigeons to be actual animals, birds even, that hatch out of eggs and do all sorts of other birdy stuff that we think of when we think of owls and sparrowhawks and vultures--the most prominent of the latter category being Hillary Clinton, who seems to regard all whom she sees as a particularly appetizing rotting gazelle carcass. I doubt that I shall see actual eggs in this nest, as summer doesn't seem like a season for mating, despite what Tijuana advertisements may lead you to believe, but the fact that pigeons do in fact make nests is all the more intriguing, as I had previously assumed that pigeons bred themselves through a form of parasitic mitosis, rising like the shambling undead from heaps of rubbish and garbage and the like, their eyes red and empty, devoid of compassion or the capacity for love, and their only single-minded goal in life to wander about parks and look at you placatingly, waiting for you to drop your crackers on the ground through some accident (or sabotage--who knows what those pigeons are really capable of) so that they can descend upon the shattered snack treat in a manner quite Hitchcock-esque to consume to their hearts content.

Jim and Juliet, compared to some room mates I could have, are quite pleasant company. They make no noise, they stay outside, they rarely move from their designated section of the balcony, and if i really desire for them to leave, I can simply wave my arms at them and they'll disperse. Pending the success of my attempted alliance with the lower rungs of the bird kingdom, I have begun to ready plans to lead a revolution for pigeons everywhere, overturning the harsh oligarchy formed by sparrows and mockingbirds, and as they feast upon their sundered carcasses, I shall stand supreme, King of the Pigeons, and soon, the World.