Things that amuse/annoy me

Amuse: Refills of Circle K's interestingly universally priced fountain drinks are, after tax, exactly three cents cheaper than the pre-tax new fountain drink. The only useful aspect of this is that it would conceivably allow one to literally just hand a dollar to the cashier and, with casual cool and calm, tell him to "keep the change", a term which can be delivered in the same tone as "go fuck yourself" for even cooler effect, as the change would only amount to three cents anyway.

All this, of course, is useless to me, as I live off a credit card.

Annoy: Elevators in my building--or, specifically, the ones that I take to ascend the five floors to my dorm/apartment thing--have their button sets on different sides of the door, making it so that each time I enter the elevator, I have to pick at random which side to turn towards, and if the correct buttons aren't there, I have to do a robotic, chicken shuffle motion to turn around with some amount of grace and dexterity so as to face the proper side and press the correct button, feeling all the more self-conscious because there is this convienient little security camera in the upper corner of the elevator, making me feel as if I have a constant audience to my shame.

Annoy: My room mate's habit of remarking on things he finds displeasure/aggravation with in a manner both subtle, yet annoyingly direct, making it unsure whether he wants me to do something to fix a situation, as well as making me simply unwilling to cooperate, if only out of the principle of demanding people address me with blunt, direct and forward commands.

Amuse: Women all make the same sort of sounds during sex. At first, I thought that porn just used three voice actresses for every video, or there as a standard class or seminar on erotic noise, but no. Turns out, it really all sounds the same. Fancy that.

Amuse/annoy: Fanfiction, both conceptually and literally. As a writer myself, I can't help but identify with the creators of whatever anime/video game/book (I.E. Harry Potter) that is being fanfictioned, as any particularly empathetic writer will tell you that his or her literary creations are like children to that person, with all the surprises and predictable traits inherited from their parents built in. Therefore, fanfiction, by its very definition of being "fiction written by fans", is effectively like a person's children being borrowed for a few hours by a lonely, pre-pubescent twelve-year old girl, radically brainwashed to fulfill homoerotic fantasies or else forced to play with the fanfiction writer's own, slightly more semi-retarded children, before uncerimoniously being dumped on the original parents' doorstep, usually smeared with lipstick and having to explain burning pain in their anuses.

Amuse: My room mate thought the size of our monstrous air-conditioning unit (some fifteen feet tall, towering over the dumpsters outside) is worth commenting on.

Amuse: Today is his last day here.

Annoy: Flaky people. In a non-literal way, people who don't come through when you expect them too, or don't every fully commit to anything, despite being asked or expected too.

Annoy: Flaky people, in a totally literal way. I mean, yuck. Seriously? Yuck.

Amuse: Tenacious D.

Amuse: Marlboro has these buy one, get one free cigarette packs of their less-than-classy blends, but the catch is that these cigarettes are about an inch and a half shorter than a typical cigarette. This ought to annoy me, but they're so damn cute that I can't stay mad. Awww. Lookit you! You're a cute leading cause of mouth, lung, and throat cancer aren't you? Yes you are! Yes you are!

Annoy: When your bed sheets get tugged off your bed during sex. YEESH. Its like one EXTRA hassle.

Annoy: Having no plans for the 4th of July.

Amuse: British Accents. Really, I can listen to just about anything if it's said in a British accent.

Annoy: Overactive guilt complexes, as well as hypocondria. Both of which, of due note, are products of nurture and nature respectfully. THANKS PARENTS!

Amuse: Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe, as well as reading other people's blogs.

Annoy: Not having published an award-winning comic book. I have tons of ideas, why aren't there people begging me to write for their rich companies? Eh? EH!?

Annoy: Feeling bad for not updating my blog, as well as not having anyone outside of my immediate family reading it.

Annoy: I burnt my tongue and cut the side of my mouth on a tortilla chip. Now, the next two days will be spend idly wondering if I've contracted a terrible disease and am only blaming the tortilla chip as a scapegoat, which will result in me feeling bad for the tortilla chip and thus offering to take it out for a relaxing day on the town, visiting all sort sof exciting shops and restraunts and museums and picnicking at the lakeside, laughing and singing songs of our childhood, relishing in the sheer joy of just being alive before, in a fit of passion, I'll forget the good times and greedily shove the chip into my mouth, mentally providing agonized screams of terror and pain as I crush it between my teeth.

Annoy: The temperature is 109 degrees. Fuck. That. Shit.

Annoy: My sandals bite into the back of my foot.
ANNOY: My fan is too small.
ANNOY: MY KEYBOARD KEEPS GETTING STUCK.
ANNOY: EVERYTHING! BWAAARHATEHATEHATE!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Amuse: Pictures of kittens with funny captions written on them.